unrumor it
Some of the nation's most prominent politicians, including George W. Bush and his father, are members of Yale's secret society Skull and Bones. Bonesmen are sworn to secrecy, so no one knows what really goes on in the Tomb (the group's on-campus headquarters), but rumors about bizarre initiation rituals and connections with shady organizations like the Illuminati and the CIA and have circulated through word of mouth and in publications like Esquire, The Atlantic Monthly and the New York Times. According to these reports, to gain admission to the sect, our future president lay naked in a coffin while masturbating and reciting his sexual history, participated in nude mud-wrestling matches, jumped into a pile of shit, kissed a skull and received $15,000 upon becoming a member. Bonesmen give each other secret names; supposedly Bush Sr. received the title "Magog," awarded to the inductee with the most sexual experience. Bush Jr. was allowed to choose his own nickname, but didn't come up with one, so the elders christened him "Temporary." Given W's infamous facility with comedic handles ("Turd Blossom" for Karl Rove, etc), this seems unlikely.
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